Argument
by Nightodie
Summary: A Letter from Shepard to Kaidan sent right after Horizon. Thanks to Jho & Sia from the KAST or this never would have even been written. Bioware owns all.


Kaidan-

I'm on Horizon, and finally you were walking towards me. I hear you explaining to Delen all the titles I have been called, Captain of the Normandy, Spectre, Savior, legend and ghost. But not the most important one: Lover. You left that one out. You didn't seem happy to see me and that confused me. I was extremely happy to see you. I have to keep reminding myself it has been two years since you've seen me. You have lived through my death, but I slept through it. One moment I was blown out of the ship dying in space and the next I awakened to fight for my life. And you were no where to be found. A hug, it's not enough, I should have never let you go.

"How are you doing?" Well you were right it wasn't the smartest thing to say. Would you have rather: "So you thought I was dead, I was; you're standing in front of a real live Frankenstein."  
Or maybe you would prefer: Yeah, zombies, you've got to love 'em. Or maybe a simple: Yeah, I get that a lot – I got better.

Then you were angry, angrier then I have ever seen you. You were angrier then you were when Udina put us in lock down. I can only stare at you. I listen to your accusations, taking them all in, and all I can do is apologize. I don't want to hurt you, maybe you've moved on, but I hope you haven't moved on.

But I want to scream at you: Didn't you hear me I was unconscious. Do you think if I was awake, I wouldn't have contacted you? How can you doubt that I would have let a day go by without you if I could avoid it? Don't you realize that for me, the day I died is only a couple of months ago, and the day I woke up was the day after I died? For me the time in between was like overnight.

How can you yell at me for something I had no control over? How could you doubt what we had? How could you even consider that I would purposely put you through that? How could I have let you know I was alive when I didn't even know I was alive?

Then you tell me you've moved on. My ears are ringing, my heart is breaking. Or you thought you did? There is hope, small little insignificant … but it's there … hope.

Cerberus asked me to just look into the disappearances see if I could find out who was taking colonists. I was officially dead, why not check it out and if they could prove to me that it was something that needed my attention, well, then I would look into it. Whole colonies disappearing, how could I turn them down? My ship was gone, they gave me a ship. My team was gone and couldn't be located. I am putting together a team. With the a few small exceptions, don't imagine for a minute that I trust them. Trust is not given, it's earned.

Wait did you say you got reports? Garrus hears it too. You should have had more then reports, you should have had proof that the collectors were involved and that I was alive. I handed Anderson the proof myself from my own hand. Then I was reinstated as a Spectre – not only the first human Spectre, but I am still one. Anderson forgot to mention that to you, did he? Hiding things is he, well nothing new there.

You say Anderson thought I was working for the enemy, well he knows exactly where I am and what I am doing, because I told him. He knows who I am with because he saw them. Did he tell you I was looking for you, well probably not. We are both puppets, but I won't be one for long.

If I had betrayed the Alliance, why than was the Citadel my first stop. Why would I have provided any information to the Alliance concerning the collectors if I was a traitor? Why would I care about being reinstated as a Spectre? Why wouldn't I care about human colonies being taken? Granted it wouldn't matter to me if they were non-human colonies I would still be appalled and take action. If anyone knew that about me, you did. You think I betrayed you because I didn't contact you right away, well I tried. I asked Anderson, but he wouldn't tell me where you were or how to contact you. I asked Cerberus and they couldn't or more likely wouldn't tell me until it served their purpose. But then the enemy of my enemy is my friend… and can be used, for now.

You know me, you know that the Reapers will stop at nothing to destroy civilization, and you know that I will stop at nothing to prevent that from happening. There was a time when you shared my goal, have you forgotten? Have you changed you view? Do you believe like the council that the Reapers are no longer a threat or worse that they don't exist? You saw Sovereign for yourself; you heard his words for yourself. Do you really think the threat is gone? My death helped hide the Reapers agenda better then anything else. I betrayed you? I turned my back on everything we believed in? It's only been a few months for me and my beliefs have not changed. The Reapers are coming, and not only are we not ready, but we have fallen two years further behind. Have you turned your back on that? Have you betray me?

People are being taken and are probably dead. Whole colonies are disappearing. These lives are possibly lost forever. If I stand by and watch this happen I am no better then the Reapers. I will not sit idly by and wait for more colonies to disappear. Anderson knew that and so does Cerberus. The rumors that Horizon was to be hit just happen to coincide with your being stationed here. You the one person that I would move heaven and earth to protect, it's too much of a coincidence don't you think. Well I did, turns out I was right, you were bait.

You want facts, then what about Garrus? He was there for all our fights against Cerberus. The fact that he witnessed the atrocities Cerberus created and can still put it aside should mean something to you. You think Cerberus changed me, you've convinced yourself that I am different, but Garrus was with me on the Normandy too. Garrus lived through what you lived through and if I had changed do you think he would be by my side?

You think I owe Cerberus because they saved me. I don't, I didn't ask them to save me. You think I am not thinking straight. If it wasn't for Cerberus, no one would be fighting Collectors. I think I have that straight. You were on Horizon before the Collectors got there. This is going to sound mean Kaidan, but how many did you take down. I saved half the colony and I wouldn't have been able to do that if Cerberus didn't save me. Do I feel I owe them, no, but that colony might. If I hadn't been there that whole colony would all have been taken… including you. Maybe you owe Cerberus just a little, huh?

I will promise you this: I will beat the Collectors, then I will beat the Reapers! God help anyone who tries to stop me. Even you.

Shepard.


End file.
